Why is love so distant? Why must it make me suffer? The thought of losing him, would be dark, Deep…and most of all, heartbroken. Life must torment me with everything I do? Why cant I keep something so meaningful so precious to me…it shouldn’t be this way. The sacrifices that I do….that we do, shouldn’t be paid like this, now that is below my own. I can not have this destroying my life, making him sick? Making myself ill…it shouldn’t, and wont be that way, I promise….its something I have always wanted…Love, it’s the one thing I am capable of giving to someone. And I have, but sadly he isn’t here. I cant physically give it to him, and no I don’t mean sex, I cant kiss him I cant hold him I cant even tell him straight- face to face that I love him. Is it me? What did I do so wrong that I must pay now for my wrong doing, what did I do? I wish to reverse anything I did. If it is a sin to love someone, everyone should be condemned to eternity of loneliness… no one to love but one’s soul, and that is about it. Running away, is wrong…you run away both ways, From and to… from your family and to your lover….one might have dire consequences and the other might be bliss. No one knows, no one will EVER know…why couldn’t god spare both of us and give us to each other in the same place. God created man and women, why must he separate both, is it the way of life? To not have someone all in the end? But if that is true. What happened to all the “forever undying love” of old people and their marriage.
He would make me his wife the minute I would say hi….what if he would have someone , and she loved him just like I love him? Would that be wrong to take some others person away just to be selfish and greedy for the person YOU love? Would it be wrong to keep them from anyone else… its just a thought. What if to spare someone’s heart from breaking you did the wrong thing, you didn’t stay with them. Would you be responsible for breaking their hearts? Would it be morally wrong to stay with them just for them and not you? I believe so, but I also believe in something else. In how much would I care for him and love him until god would take me 12 feet under the dirt, and take me to heaven…I would wait, I would wait for him until I would see him again with his grand halo, gold or platinum, with his wonderful white wings that are fully spread to see them hovering over him. But for now, on earth, I must suffer to see that in the end? I don’t think that is true. I believe he already has his gold halo with his wings, he is truly an angel on earth; he saved me, not just once but many times- one being he kept me from doing stupidity I have thought of doing…2AM makes you think hard and deep…its not something that hides at midnight. No, it shows your true emotional thoughts coursing through your mind and body…I just hope he see’s it that way. If life is to suffer I have suffered enough. If life is to be joy….all I need to do is see him. But how…"
its just ehh monent for me. and when that happens i write nonsense and deep-ish. thanks for reading Xoxo