Monday, December 28, 2009

my personal

PREETY DEEP IN MY OPINION: who ever reads it? maybe we might have something in common??.....


Why is love so distant? Why must it make me suffer? The thought of losing him, would be dark, Deep…and most of all, heartbroken. Life must torment me with everything I do? Why cant I keep something so meaningful so precious to me…it shouldn’t be this way. The sacrifices that I do….that we do, shouldn’t be paid like this, now that is below my own. I can not have this destroying my life, making him sick? Making myself ill…it shouldn’t, and wont be that way, I promise….its something I have always wanted…Love, it’s the one thing I am capable of giving to someone. And I have, but sadly he isn’t here. I cant physically give it to him, and no I don’t mean sex, I cant kiss him I cant hold him I cant even tell him straight- face to face that I love him. Is it me? What did I do so wrong that I must pay now for my wrong doing, what did I do? I wish to reverse anything I did. If it is a sin to love someone, everyone should be condemned to eternity of loneliness no one to love but one’s soul, and that is about it. Running away, is wrong…you run away both ways, From and to… from your family and to your lover….one might have dire consequences and the other might be bliss. No one knows, no one will EVER know…why couldn’t god spare both of us and give us to each other in the same place. God created man and women, why must he separate both, is it the way of life? To not have someone all in the end? But if that is true. What happened to all the “forever undying love” of old people and their marriage.

He would make me his wife the minute I would say hi….what if he would have someone , and she loved him just like I love him? Would that be wrong to take some others person away just to be selfish and greedy for the person YOU love? Would it be wrong to keep them from anyone else… its just a thought. What if to spare someone’s heart from breaking you did the wrong thing, you didn’t stay with them. Would you be responsible for breaking their hearts? Would it be morally wrong to stay with them just for them and not you? I believe so, but I also believe in something else. In how much would I care for him and love him until god would take me 12 feet under the dirt, and take me to heaven…I would wait, I would wait for him until I would see him again with his grand halo, gold or platinum, with his wonderful white wings that are fully spread to see them hovering over him. But for now, on earth, I must suffer to see that in the end? I don’t think that is true. I believe he already has his gold halo with his wings, he is truly an angel on earth; he saved me, not just once but many times- one being he kept me from doing stupidity I have thought of doing…2AM makes you think hard and deep…its not something that hides at midnight. No, it shows your true emotional thoughts coursing through your mind and body…I just hope he see’s it that way. If life is to suffer I have suffered enough. If life is to be joy….all I need to do is see him. But how…"

its just ehh monent for me. and when that happens i write nonsense and deep-ish. thanks for reading Xoxo

Sunday, December 6, 2009

holy smuckers, its almost X-MAS! (Jen interviews me)

Well to be honest, Christmas is the best time of the year, you know why? because this means that i am THAT much closer to my birthday!!!! i know right? amazing!!! well my blog buddy Brooke Dawson! wrote a pretty neat section on her blog. It was about well, her! just snipets and bits of info from her life, and about her. So with [hopefully] her permission, i am gonna do this too! becuase i owe something to my readers {whoever is reading this anyways} something of a post, since i haven't in so long, felt like ages. Well without further notice, here it is :
These questions my friend came up with, i asked her to interview me so i would have something to post, she wrote everything that i did or said and let everything raw so i would show you what happened, i didnt come up with these questions, she did {Jen}. i felt like this was a newspaper or magazine cause when i laughed or giggled or thought for a pause she did it with { } fancy stuff so you would know what i did. enjoy
  • What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest? {smiles, then pouts}

The happiest moment in my life is when i finally learned how to play piano, it was the greatest feeling on earth. The saddest, was when i lost my dear grandpa. I do miss him so much. {looks serious}

  • Who was the most important person in your life? {winks}

{laughs a lot} the most important person in my life, is my dad. He taught me everything and anything i wanted to know when i was little.

  • Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did they teach you?

Hmm...{pauses}.i dont know who is the biggest influence in my life, i think i would have to say is my boyfriend, He taught me how to be loved, and to love someone so meaningful in my life. {giggles}

  • Who has been the kindest to you in your life?

kindest? hmm... i think my friend Masia. She's just the best, what can i say?

  • What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in life?

Never to give up, if you want something more in life you go after it, even if it means to wait.

  • What is your earliest memory?

Going to College for my scholarship program :)

  • Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along ?

When life gives you lemons, dont make lemonade. Go and sell them and make a profit.{laughs so much that she [rose] falls off chair}

  • What are you proudest of in your life?

I think it is that i am blessed with intelligence more than everyone else in my family.

  • have you ever in life felt most alone?

Yes, but that was before i met Chris {both awe}

  • How has your life been different than what you’d imagined?

I have to say its not different. everything is made to be for some significant reason, so i just roll with the punches and hope for the best

  • How would you like to be remembered?

I would like to be remembered as being different, not just for being "nice" and "helpful," but by being someone else in the world. not being a satistic. ( i dont know if you understand that) {ends it more like a questions}

  • Do you have any regrets?

Nope, i dont have any, i learn from my mistakes and pray that i dont do them again. everything happens for a reason.

  • What does your future hold?

Hopefully accounting, getting married to my boyfriend. having kids, being sucessful, and everything that makes the world happy. {smiles and sticks tongue out}

  • Is there anything that you’ve never told me but want to tell me now?

{laughs}I call chocolate milk : COCO MOO! ( i know i am weird i love it )

  • Is there something about me that you’ve always wanted to know but have never asked?

why did you agree to interview me with random questions, i mean {thinks} nevermind, thanks for helping.


THANKS FOR READING GUYS......maybe if you comment and ask i might have more interview coming up.